Saying Goodbye

A recent cleaning spree in the house revealed a sheath of papers that stopped me in my tracks. It was the report on the last day of fieldwork done in my first year of studying social work years ago. I didn’t know that I had held on to this while cities (and addresses) and phases of life passed by. It took me back to that day. Two of us had been placed with an organisation working with children living in and around a railway station. And on that day, we had planned to buy gifts and snacks and have a little party at a home for children run by the organisation. How we had planned…the interactions with the children and the staffs that day…us being smeared with colours and dragged into some fierce dancing (the next day was Holi and we were possibly infected by that spirit)! But what also stood out, as I read those pages, was this unmistakable sense of sadness (and discomfort) at saying goodbyes.

In fact, the goodbyes were captured in the writing. And those images rose again in front of me. Chatting with the women who cooked and helped at the home and them turning silent when I said we won’t be coming again. Some children refusing to come near us that day. One child in my group work session avoiding to look at me. Overhearing another child telling his peers vehemently – They will never come again. One child, in the end, coming up to shake hands and then smiling shyly and saying – Thank you.

Nothing really prepares us to say goodbye. To any one. In any form. We were student social workers then and possibly had even lesser idea of how to handle gradual disengagement. Even now, after more than a decade in the social work sector, I am not sure if we have a better understanding of how to actually ‘phase out’ of the lives of programme participants in a sensitive and judicious manner. Do we, ourselves, always manage to accept it and prepare for it? Do we ever manage to prepare the other actors involved? Of course, this is a complicated area with emotions, personal and professional relationships, project timelines and budgeted activities (and lack of them after a point!) involved.

My younger student social worker self had stumbled upon one important realisation though – if we accept the intrinsic dignity of an individual, that entails keeping them informed. This includes preparing them (and ourselves) of the prospective transitions- of the equations that should change with time and the eventual goodbye.

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